I thought I knew what I wanted my first official blog post to be about. I had planned out for the past two weeks for the first real post (not my food reviews) to be about the Book ‘Not a Fan’ written by Kyle Idleman. The notion of that being my 1st post went out the door today.
I will write about the book ‘Not a Fan’ soon. It has effected my life too much over the past few weeks not to write about it.
However, I can’t ignore today.
Today I went to pay my repects to a woman that I have known about for almost my entire life. I didn’t know her well personally, but I saw the fruits of her labor in the lives of so many. She was one of the very 1st people that I can recall being referred to as “A Godly Woman”.
I wanted to tell her family that. Her grieving husband that.
So I tried.
Tried being the opportune word. I walked up to her grieving husband and told him my experience of knowing her fruits. I proceeded to tell him, “I know that I can never be the kind of woman she was – I’ve already messed that up. But I hope that my sons marry a Godly woman like her.”
This grieving man, saying his final goodbyes to the love of his life, looked me right in the eye and said, “It isn’t too late for you.”
But, isn’t it?
I sat during the reading of her obituary and the special songs , thinking about what he had said. It is too late for me, isn’t it? I have been divorced, I have lived lies, I have disappointed my family, I have made decisions that others criticize me for making – just to name a few things from the past year alone. I have been a terrible person.
But is it too late? The words of this grieving man burned in my mind, singeing the edges of any other thoughts that might have been. Could it be…
I came home after the funeral, and found I couldn’t get that question out of my mind. “It is too late for me, isn’t it?” I tried to distract myself with cleaning, but I couldn’t.
I began to think of Moses. He was a murder, yet GOD used him (Exodus 2:11-12). Rahab was a prostitute, yet God not only used her to help defeat Jericho but she is also included in the genealogy of Christ (Hebrews 11:31; Matthew 1:5-16) God did have an uncanny way in the Old Testament & New Testament of using the vagabonds, the misfits, the broken.
The realization became that yes, GOD could use me. As broken as I am, as sinful as I have been – having repented to GOD & asked for forgiveness – Christ can make me new as HE promises (Matthew 21:5). It’s not that I will never fail again, or that I won’t need to repent again. But GOD can used broken me. He can put me together with His grace, seal the broken pieces with His unfathomable love, and over time will use me as I surrender myself more & more to GOD’s will.
So, thank you, Kathleen Lester. In your death, I learned this great lesson.
(In memory of Mrs. Kathleen Lester, Oct 1950-Sept 10, 2011)