Boarding Call: Saying Some Goodbyes

“After that He {JESUS}¬†went out and noticed a tax collector named Levi sitting in the tax booth, and He said to him, “Follow Me. And he {Levi} left everything behind, and got up and began to follow Him {Jesus}. ” (Luke 5:27-28)

Levi left everything behind, according to Luke 5:27-28, to follow Jesus. Everything. His job. His collegues. His lifestyle. His schedule. His identity. Levi left the stuff behind & simply followed.

All Aboard, The Master Calleth

Jesus isn’t unfamiliar to me. Perhaps for much of my life, HE was all to familiar. My dad was a minister, which meant that the big white leather bound Bible set on our coffee table & we went to church nearly every time the doors were opened. I knew of Gideon, Moses, Joshua, Peter & James. I knew there were 7 golden candlesticks in Revelations, & that Joshua and Caleb were the “good Hebrew spies”. I read the cover off of a pink Leather Bible awarded to me in 1989, & attended more VBS classes than most I knew. I knew, yet I did not know. I knew stuff – I knew what church people were suppose to do… but I did not know what church was really about. What life was really about.¬† Who JESUS really was.

A bit over a year ago, I would come to the hard realization that I was not saved. I was a fraud. A great pretender. I knew things about JESUS, but did not really have a true relationship with Him. I would stop the pride & kneel to pray one Sunday morning.

I’ve tried to fight the recent urges that perhaps JESUS is calling me again. I resisted, “How could I possibly be used”. I couldn’t possibly be used with the past that I have, I thought. Silly, foolish girl.

JESUS wants to use me because of my broken filthy past so that I can help someone who is struggling with that lifestyle now. Who am I to limit the Lord?

I can’t fight His call anymore. No more excuses. It’s time to throw everything down & leave it all behind.

Farewell

I step onboard. It is time now to say goodbye. Goodbye to expectations of others that I have tried so hard to exceed. Goodbye to wishing for all the could-of-been & should-of-been. Goodbye to trying to act 21 when I’m more than 10 years beyond that. Goodbye to been wishy-washy. Goodbye to a life too busy to truly call life.