We are birthed to be dreamers. We play Princess and Pirate. We climb trees and crawl under fences. As children, the realm of what we could be someday seems borderless.
As we grow, someone or something shakes us from our sleep. Things tell us that we can’t overcome this or that we will never have that. Someone tells us that YOU CAN’T. Our dreams crumble, falling into ruts of complacency.
Or Perhaps, the waking happened to you as it did me. The Dream shone bright about you one day and the next, it is gone. All the normal unravels and the tangle remaining doesn’t resemble what we had before.
I grabbed the dream and smashed it against the wall. The shards still embedded, I wander why I was so irresponsible. I also know that the why is irrelevant: what was is not.
Over the course of the last 4 years, I have hobbled around on those embedded dream shards and feeling more self-despise than is probably healthy. Days & weeks have trickled by. I have lived defined by my shatter moment.
I prayed. Yes, How I prayed. I dipped my wounds into God’s Word, and yet remained wounded. I watched as Faith healed others as I limped along.
And Yes, I repented. O’re and O’re. I have worn alters bare with my pleads for forgiveness.
In all my efforts and all my hobbling, there is one thing I haven’t done yet. let go.
How had I missed that? Nearly 1500 days of coping with the pain and I hadn’t done the easiest step of letting go.
The exit sign flickered on for me this week. The song, Beautiful Things, by Gungor was playing. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1spkhp41ig4). “You make Beautiful Things out of Dust”, the lyrics read.
Dust is a curious thing. We don’t give much thought to it, most days. Most days, it is the gray stuff behind our couch or laced on our ceiling fan. But get this- dust is alive.
Look it up, google it, or youtube it. Dust is full of little things called Mites. In what seems worthless is life.
It won’t be easy as I remove the fragments of what was. Pain will surely come, but after that will begin healing. In my healing, I can begin to gather the shiny remains and toss them. I’ll wipe off the shelf, smiling at the dust mites, and begin place new dreams. The simple fact that I ruined the before doesn’t mean I can’t have something just as beautiful or perhaps, even more amazing than what I had before.
So, here I go. It’s time.