As a newbie to bloglovin, a site that allows readers to subscribe to various blog on a plethera of topics, I have found a quite creative solace among the many pages. Much inspiration, Many challenges, and sometimes a good giggle to brighten my day is found.
Today, my feed included a post by the inspirational Ali Edwards (Read Post here). As I read it, I had to suck back the bitter taste of my own divorce 3 years ago. Not only was it an “unwanted divorce” (as Ali worded it), but it was also a farewell to many people in life.
Ali, my story isn’t yours. Nor will my story be any others as it is mine & mine alone. But here is what I was inspired to write after reading your words
For three long years I have avoided addressing you or talking about you. There was some part of me that reckoned that if I didn’t talk about you, the hurt would be less. However, with each day I have hurt more and a bit deeper.
I want you to know that I have missed you and mourned for you. Through open tears and silent blanket sobs, I have replayed what we once shared. Given the chance, I would indeed do things much differently than I did. yet, the Tardis or any other method of time travel will never be available to me. It happened…there is no undoing that.
I also want you to know that I am doing okay these days. I’m crafting again, which has been therapeutic. I’ve surprised myself at how my relation to you and my relation to the present intermingle into much of my work.
Sometimes I shine in success only to plunge into failures. You & I had those moments too. Only now I find I can do much more on my own. I have found that, yes, I am indeed stronger than I thought. Stronger than I was with you.
Sometimes I want to be alone in obscurity while other times I crave interaction. These three years have birthed me comfortable in my aloneness, knowing that I am never truly alone. Christ & the love of a few rare friends abide with me.
Sometimes I find myself doing things I could never have imagined while other times I drone in the monotony that you & I once shared. I’m okay with both.
But always, always I miss you with a deep grieving. I would never have chosen the pain that severed us. I would never have chosen that pain for my sons or their father or myself. Though I often long for you, I am daily moving on.
Thank You for being part of my life and who I am.