A bit o’ Green

7up/Sprite. I converted to a clear-pop-only way of life when I was 17. Their green bottles & cans are a sliver of my daily life. 

My eyes. I have olive colored eyes. There are some outfits that I can wear that do make the green more noticeable. 

My Favorite Color. Yes, you read that correctly: Green is my favorite color. Where most girls giggle & oogle over pink things, I grin for greens. 

Someday, perhaps, these green eyes shall see Ireland. Now that is a big green dream.

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T.L.W

As I have merged from traditional scrap booking to Pocket Style Scrapbooking, I have been inspired greatly by Ali Edwards. I find that so many of the bloggers that I have come to follow over the last 3 months someway point toward her. 

Among all-so-many posts, I have read of others (crafters & non-crafters) who have embraced her One Little Word Challenge (http://aliedwards.com/blog/one-little-word). The chosen word is to be a catalysis for personal change and growth over the year. More now than ever before, I need a springboard for personal change & growth in my life.

The motivation:announcing that I was leaving my job. It wasn’t a decision I made hurriedly or made flippantly. The job that I was hired to do is mutated into a new role, one of which I have found I cannot do. Sometimes the hardest things are doing what is best for the group over doing what is best for you.

But what Word for me? The Ides of March are upon us and my days are my dwindling in my current place of employment. 

Word One: Echt. I want to be comfortable being me around others, both friend and coworkers. I’m nerdy & artistic & fun-loving. I’ve tucked so much of that away, in an attempt to blend in. I can’t blend in & be true to me. So, yes.. ECHT.

I like Echt (Can you tell I was a Lit student in College?). But alone, it isn’t enough. It doesn’t quite express what I want for myself over the next 8 months. 

Courageous Echt. That’s What I have chosen. Leaving my job is taking courage. I don’t have something else lined up {yet}. I don’t know what will happen next. I do know that it is the right thing to do. Three weeks from today, I will walk out of the confides of my current employer to a gaping unknown. I will need courage & echt to make it.

Courageous Echt. Two Little Words now written on a pocket card for my family’s book, tacked above my dresser at home, and stuck to the fridge. Guess we’ll see where those words take me.

The Necessity of Hard

As a newbie to bloglovin, a site that allows readers to subscribe to various blog on a plethera of topics, I have found a quite creative solace among the many pages. Much inspiration, Many challenges, and sometimes a good giggle to brighten my day is found.

Today, my feed included a post by the inspirational Ali Edwards (Read Post here). As I read it, I had to suck back the bitter taste of my own divorce 3 years ago. Not only was it an “unwanted divorce” (as Ali worded it), but it was also a farewell to many people in life. 

Ali, my story isn’t yours. Nor will my story be any others as it is mine & mine alone. But here is what I was inspired to write after reading your words
———————–

Dear Past,

For three long years I have avoided addressing you or talking about you. There was some part of me that reckoned that if I didn’t talk about you, the hurt would be less. However, with each day I have hurt more and a bit deeper. 

I want you to know that I have missed you and mourned for you. Through open tears and silent blanket sobs, I have replayed what we once shared. Given the chance, I would indeed do things much differently than I did. yet, the Tardis or any other method of time travel will never be available to me. It happened…there is no undoing that.

I also want you to know that I am doing okay these days. I’m crafting again, which has been therapeutic. I’ve surprised myself at how my relation to you and my relation to the present intermingle into much of my work. 

Sometimes I shine in success only to plunge into failures. You & I had those moments too. Only now I find I can do much more on my own. I have found that, yes, I am indeed stronger than I thought. Stronger than I was with you.

Sometimes I want to be alone in obscurity while other times I crave interaction. These three years have birthed me comfortable in my aloneness, knowing that I am never truly alone. Christ & the love of a few rare friends abide with me. 

Sometimes I find myself doing things I could never have imagined while other times I drone in the monotony that you & I once shared. I’m okay with both.

But always, always I miss you with a deep grieving. I would never have chosen the pain that severed us. I would never have chosen that pain for my sons or their father or myself. Though I often long for you, I am daily moving on. 

Thank You for being part of my life and who I am.