When the alarm clock wakes hours after you
When the weather and road conditions aren’t clear
When the closest parking spot is 50 yards from the store
When the insurance didn’t cover it..and the bill is twice your take home pay
When what was suppose to be your 20th wedding anniversary is your 3rd yr alone.
There will be days like these. Or maybe, like me, you’ve had an abundance of days like these.
But these days aren’t..
These days aren’t the way life always has to be. These days do not define you. Or me.
I thought they did. Eight years ago, I was going through a divorce. A divorce wasn’t suppose to happen to me, right? Preacher’s kids don’t get divorced…but there I was, trying to wade through the muck, relocating and also finding a new job. I remember laying face down on the floor, crying until the tears scorched my face. I thought.. this is it. I will never have a normal life again.
How funny… “normal”. I’ve always been proud of the fact that I am not your normal girl. And yet, I was mourning what I thought normal was suppose to be. I honestly thought the pain, shame, and rejection I felt was my new norm.
It wasn’t. Not every day. I admit, there have still been many a day since that I’ve laid face down in tears over things I’ve done or things I’ve had done to me.
Through each of those moments since, one passage of scripture has been my reminder:
Moses had been Israel’s leader for many years. Many had followed him all oftheir life. They trusted him. They depended on him to lead. And now, he had died.
Israel was mourning. And probably feeling clueless as to what the future would hold.
Perhaps Israel felt afraid. I imagine some were. Moses had led them their ancestors out of Egypt. Moses had brought the 10 commandments down from the mountain. Moses had been a part of all they had known.
And better still, now after years and years and years, they were suppose to follow Joshua into a land they really knew nothing about.
8 years ago, I knew nothing about being a single mom. I knew nothing about trying to date as a divorcee… and I certainly was terrified at the thoughts of trying to do life without my husband.
Joshua 1:2 picks up as Israel has been in mourning for Moses. Joshua, too, was mourning. And God tells Joshua a few things here:
1) what has happened has happened
GOD doesn’t skirt the facts. Moses, Israel’s leader and Joshua’s mentor had died. It was a hard reality. But Israel and Joshua both had to come to terms with the fact that Moses was dead and he wasn’t coming back.
I had to get myself out of denial. I was now divorced, and no matter how much it hurt and I regretted it, that was the reality. And nothing could undo it.
2) it’s time to move forward
God told Joshua to get up and go. They had mourned long enough.
It’s easy to sulk in our losses or failures.
I had mourned the loss of my marriage daily, sometimes hourly. I beat myself up constantly for my part in the marriage failing. I knew I had to get up and go.
Was it easy? No. Was it a one and done? No. I printed Joshua 1:2 on index cards and hung them in every door of my apartment. I made the routine of reading it outloud every time I left for work and again when I got home. And gratually, I began to stop mourning.
3) Remember HIM and HIS promises
God had for years promised the people of Israel two things: Land and His Presence
The vows my husband and I had made to each other years ago had been broken. But tge vows, the promises of GOD, are sure. They will never be broken.
My journey these 8 years hasn’t always been easy, just as Joshua’s journey from Joshua 1:2 to Joshua 24:29 wasnt alwats easy for him. Just like Joshua, though, I have found found God always good, always sufficent, and always, always faithful to His promises.