Day 2: Grumbly in my Tumbly
127 Calories Over. Ugh
Why is this so hard?
It has been easy for so long to just eat what I want & not think about how many calories that I am consuming or how much weight that I am gaining. It has been easier to just “live the high life”.
I found that today the hardest part was feeling incredibly hungry.
I had eaten a healthy smoothie for breakfast, but it began to wear off by the time lunch rolled around. I limited to myself to a small lunch of rice which was very filling but since it was a white rice – the carbs soon led to me feeling increasingly hungry.
Dinner rolled around & I found myself in an angry mood. I was flat dab hungry. I had fixed sloppy joes. After eating only one & one meager scoop of veggies, I wanted more to eat because I was still hungry. I looked at my calories including exercise for the day & would find that I could have one more sloppy joe. I didn’t stop there though. I rounded off my hunger by having some hummas & chips. Hummas is fairly healthy…but combined with the salthy (unhealthy) type of corn chips that I had in my pantry, I had to have something to drink. Guzzling down two cups of juice, I found myself 127 calories over my limit.
Yes, I went to bed feeling “full” & I had walked nearly 20 minutes. As I laid my head down, I knew those 100+ calories equalled yet more lbs on the scale & sure failure for that day.
Day 3: Throwing myself under the bus
I awoke to day three not truly being in the mood to go through the torture of dieting another day. But I knew that I had to suck it up – not only to save my own life but because my weight loss partner ‘C’ was depending on me to do well.
I started the day with yet another smoothie, adding more ice to it this time to see if it would stick longer. The ice did help & I managed to be “okay” until 1/2 an hour before lunch. Lunch time came & I ate another portion of rice with a bit of steamed veggies mixed in.
I would have a snack mid afternoon. Before church ‘C’ & I would go to Subway to eat. Subway sandwiches are a great filling meal for me, but not-so-much healthy when I paired it with a fountain lemonade & baked chips. I’d leave church & feel fairly good about my diet for the day.
I would get in 10 minutes of cardio after dinner to add to the 8 minutes walking. I would “think” I was under my calorie goal as I snacked on a small bowl of frozen berries. I would check in my calorie/fitness counter (MyFitnessPal) & find..145 calories Over.
I felt defeated. I knew in my heart of hearts that my dinner beverage choice had played a huge part in that overage. I was losing the battle.
Then I did something stupid & smart: I stepped on my scale again. I rarely weight myself more than once a week, but was bound & determined to see how much damaged my overages in calories were doing to my body. I watched the numbers on the scale bounce up & down to land at 1.5 lbs gained in 3 days time.
I was angry at myself for failing. I was frustrated because I didn’t want to think about being miserably hungry again. I was upset that my diet buddy, ‘C’ was making it look all-to-easy. I was in a terrible rotten no good mood. So I did what I always do when I am in a terrible rotten no good mood: I reached into my secret stash of chocolate & popped another 60 calories into my mouth. I’d go to bed not feeling hungry, but completely defeated.
I know that I must find ways to feel “full” without consuming empty calories. I know that to do that I am going to have to sacrifice some things in my food budget to be able to afford some healthier options.
I also know that I have to be okay with “being hungry”. My body has become a spoiled princess, which doesn’t like to be made to feel uncomfortable. I know that my spoiled princess body is uncomfortable because all it has know is 300-500 calories more a day on the low side. I need to refocus those urges to writing again, praying more, & having others pray for me too.
Thirdly, I need to learn to give myself some mercy. Dave Ramsey says it best by saying, “We need to give ourselves the grace to fall down sometimes”. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I knew that this was going to take time. I knew those things but yet I am angry at myself because those things are true. Endure – that is what I must do.