Through tears, I look up into the morning sky. I am full aware that I have not just stumbled a bit. I have failed. I have disobeyed GOD.
It is the Holy Spirit Who convicts us, burns our heart with full awareness that we have done or said something against The Holy and Righteous GOD. And Oh, how my heart burns with that realization.
It isn’t my first time failing HIM. Though I make attempts to serve and obey GOD and do pour myself into HIS Word (but not nearly enough), I fail. I try to do some ordinary thing in my own feeble morality and I find myself in the dung heap.
I have failed. I won’t go into a lot of details but I have failed by recently disrespecting to people that are Christians. To make it worse, both of them are men of GOD that I look up to.
Disrespect is never okay in any case. But as a Christian, I know better than to treat any of my brother or sisters in Christ Jesus with disrespect. Increase the weight of this flaw in that my disrespect was also toward two men of GOD.
I have asked both of these men to forgive me. It was a humbling experience, admitting to these two men my wrong doing, admitting my disrespect for them, and asking their forgiveness.
And I have asked and am asking GOD. I do have the weight of what I done to lay upon GOD’s alter of mercy and beg for HIS mercy to remove the filth of what I have done.
The confession and request for forgiveness are all well, but they do nothing if my heart and my life do not show true repentance.
I can break a vase, and stand looking down at the shards. I can admit to the vase I broke it and that my breaking of it was wrong. I can even ask the vase to forgive me for breaking it. But I do not display repentance until I take actions.
I’ve decided to spend today meditating on my flaws and asking GOD to help make me a better person. I need to control my words, and carefully weigh out each word before I say it. And in my time of meditation today, I need to kill out any desire (though sometimes hidden) to do anything other than to treat others (particularly my brothers and sisters in Christ JESUS) with anything other than respect.
So I am in the Garden weeping, knowing I have denied my Savior three times – like Peter.